Two Down, One to Go

We finished our second home study. This time it was about how me and Stefan met, our personalities, and what attracted us to each other. This home study also covered our parenting of Gracie.

When I first saw Stefan in school, years ago, I knew that someday, just someday, I would at least date him. At that time in my life I didn't even consider marrying anyone. I even went as far as coming home from the first day of classes and told all my roommates about this handsome, tall guy who I would someday date. Six months later we were dating. Shortly after that we fell in love with each other. It was a "just felt right" feeling we both had for each other.

Marriage came two years later in my parents beautiful back yard. Most of Stefan's family traveled a very long distance to attend. My father got around in a motorized scooter, and all of Stefan's family were new to my father's dramatic humor. My dad hit a small divot in the back yard and his scooter slowly fell and he toppled over. All of Stefan's family went running to help as they screamed in shock thinking something for sure would be broken. Now my family, we all just stopped, stared and laughed. Because we all loved him, we eventually made it to his side and set him upright back in his scooter. Happy to get a rise out of everyone, he trolled away and we all went back to work cleaning up, leaving our guests speechless.

A few years and many moves later we bought a home and settled for a couple of years. Each time there was baby on either of our brains, we bought a dog. We are now blessed with two wonderful pups.

As we grew together, we grew to love Christ together. We tried and still try so hard to keep Him in the center of our relationship. It's not always the case, but we always return to Him. His graces amaze me. His unending love comforts each of my days. I know that Stefan's strong faith and his leadership in our home will be the icing on the cake as we raise our family together.

Stefan is a great dad, he's on the floor playing castles and princesses with Gracie. She loves riding on his back and he chases us around the room. We're on the same page, as far as parenting goes. Sometimes there is a good cop/bad cop in parenting and we try really hard to stay away from that. We don't want her to try to play a game of "but mom said yes" and completely undermine our spouse.

God really shines when it comes to encouragement and uplifting support. When one of us is down, the other will come in and provide loving encouragement and visa-verse. We are rarely, if ever, sick at the same time, so we are able to take care of each other and our household.

On to checking more off the list.....

Just You and Me Kid

As I held my two-month old niece tonight, Stefan walked up to me and questioned, “You want a baby?” He knew the answer to that already. Yah, of course I want a baby. I shrugged his question off though as if, yah, whenever. I love holding babies; they don’t have to be mine to enjoy them. They’re so snuggly, kind of boring and rather quiet when I am holding them. When they start to scream, I am really happy to just hand them back to their mommies.

This little peanut in my arms almost asleep got me thinking. I’m going to soon be holding “my” baby and when it screams, its momma is going to be me. But I didn’t carry this child for 40 weeks, I didn’t labor with this child, I don’t have the biological bond with this newborn. Am I going to be able to soothe them in a way a birthmother can? I can’t just give this new baby back to its biological mother. How am I going to bond with this new baby that I didn’t physically bring into this world? It feels so foreign to me right now. There’s no giving them back to their birthmother. The only comfort I have is knowing that God created this little child for us. It was already written in the playbooks. It’s a difficult concept to grasp. God knows what is going to happen in our lives even if that means creating a child for us in another mother’s womb. Crazy!

We asked our congregation to pray for us today. What a blessing our church family is. I can trust in them with our prayer and that it will be heard over and over by God from many people. About 10% of the families in our church have adopted. They will be great support, wonderful resources, and loving guidance as we enter this new time in our lives.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding; in all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Check it Off

One home study down, two to go. We met with our social worker today. What a lovely lady she was. She’d fit perfect into our family, she got all of our jokes and had a couple herself that made us laugh.

This first home study was about Stefan’s and my childhood, our families and our relationships with our parents. She asked who wanted to go first. I immediately pointed to Stefan. I am a contemplator. She was going to ask me all the same questions that Stefan would be answering. That way I had time to think before speaking without having diarrhea of the mouth. A couple of the questions really made me think, not just about what today was like but what my whole life had been before I met Stefan.

Digging deep, I got to reminisce about how my dad took me and my sister, every summer, to a water park. That was a special treat and something I looked forward to every summer. We ate at Henny Penny for breakfast before venturing into the rushing water craziness. As for my mom, we would go hiking, have picnics, and feed the geese in the neighboring town. Being young, everything felt like an adventure. I sure did have fun growing up. I had one good friend growing up, but other than that, it was my sister. We did so much together and a favorite memory was blazing new trails each spring with our golf cart (the alternative to having a horse I guess). Getting stuck in the thawing ground and then being covered in mud from trying push the golf cart to dry land. 

The questions then turned to our parents’ parenting style, our relationship with them currently and my favorite question; describe your father and your mother in two to three words. There are way more than two to three words that describe my parents. My father, oh goodness, if you ever had the chance to meet him you would know that he was witty, very quick at comebacks that made you hold your side from splitting open from the unending laughter. My mother, her selflessness makes her a wonderful mom and wife. Never once did she say no to a request because it wasn’t in her best interest. She put me and my sister first, and she put my dad ahead of us. She would give her clothes off her back to someone that is in need. 

The very last question was, “have I ever dealt with the loss of someone close to me.” (You might want to get the tissues now, I did.) Here’s my answer. My dad suffered many years with MS. He’s been gone for seven years. At first, his illness didn’t affect him, day to day was normal. As the years past we became accustomed to pushing a wheelchair, cutting up food, and changing his clothes. Most of this my mother endured alone since me and my sister had gone to college shortly after his diagnosis. I saw these as little steps, like a growing child, everything is always changing, but it’s so small that it feels like it’s just a part of life. I knew there wasn’t a cure for him and I knew that someday he would be gone. I had sleepless nights, crying myself to sleep sometimes. Most nights I stayed up so late until I was extremely sleepy and didn’t have to lay in quietness thinking about him. I knew that the end was coming, and I knew that his life was deteriorating. It was painful for him, I’m sure. He was a hard worker, rarely asked for help. Here he was bedridden towards the end; everything had to be done for him. I’d sob in bed, praying “God, please take away my dad’s pain, just take him, please just take him,” night after night. How could a daughter beg for their parent to leave this earth? I knew this world had nothing left to offer him. My grieving took place long before my dad passed away. When he finally left this earth I was so relieved. After that, I slept, no crying, no sleeplessness, no more begging to God. During his whole illness I learned how to pray, pray hard, and pray with all my heart. My dad will never know how grateful I am to him, whose body gave up on him, so that I would have a chance to grow with my faith with the Lord.

For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ,  who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.  1 Thessalonians 5:9-11

Cheers to the Beginning

We’re adopting! Two words that I thought I would say about 6 – 8 years from now. I knew I wanted to adopt children when I was young. I knew I wanted to care and love for children that were not biologically mine, but after having 2-4 of my own biological children. Wow, one biological child later, we are plunging in to adoption.  

My husband, Stefan, and I are on the same page at the same time with adoption. This doesn’t always happen when the adoption topic is brought up. We’d rather put our money towards adoption than fertility treatments. After 22 months of trying to naturally conceive we are moving on. Don’t get me wrong, we prayed, asked others to pray, prayed some more, our two and a half year old daughter prayed for a sister or brother, we prayed with our daughter, and then prayed some more. Feeling extremely blessed to have our daughter is overwhelming, considering the results of all the testing I did to find out why there were difficulties this time around. (I’ll be nicknaming our daughter Gracie for her protection, so if you know me and you want to leave a comment, please do not use her real name. Thank you for respecting that.)

We considered adoption long before I thought there was an issue with fertility. Growing our family has been on my heart since Gracie was born. Our friends around us were families of three and so we were on track. Then some had two, then three. I felt left behind, defeated, confused, and saddened that our family wasn’t growing like the others. I sought God for an explanation “Why?”, I heard nothing. We kept trying. I again called on God, “Is adding to our family not part of your plan?” No answer. We kept trying. “God, can you please take away the pain and heartache each month that passes and my womb is empty?” God finally answered. “I will guard your heart.” That was good enough for me because it was good enough for God. Months passed, my heart softened, joy overcame my sadness. Our journey begins……

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27