My little boy is growing and thriving in the NICU, without me there to hold him and tell him that I love him. I just want to leave my world right now to be with him. I know not everything is in place for this to happen, but I want to be there NOW. I am so bitter by the fact that each week since he was born we get one-sentence updates and each update is accompanied by “He’ll be here one or two weeks.” I've heard that three times and he is only 14 days old. I hate the fact that I don’t know more, I don’t even know how long he is, if he has hair, if he cries when he is lonely. Is someone there to hold him and comfort him? I am angry that I can’t be a better mother to him. I feel like I have failed him and I haven’t even met him yet.
Romans 3:23 - for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
I prayed this morning, why am I not content? I’m typically a go with the flow type person. The Holy Spirit quickly removed all thoughts and had a flashing sign in my head that screamed bitterness and selfishness. I’m dragging my family down with me with my quick, short and snippy responses. I just want to curl into a ball, in bed, and not get out until we get “the call”. I feel like I can’t function, I can’t focus on anything. My heart is fully in Texas and my body, here (shivering from the sub-zero temps).
God, please forgive me of my sins. Thank you for your unending love and grace. Cleanse me and make me whole again.
Proverbs 28:13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
Acts 3:19 Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,
God, why is your plan not matching up with my plan? I had this adoption thing down pat: baby born, we fly to get him, we love him and return home, we start being a family of four. My plan sounds pretty perfect, I don’t find any flaws in my plan. It’s easy.
Psalm 27:14 Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
EASY! I know God’s perfect plan isn't always easy. But it is to glorify Him.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
My good friend consoled me when I cried after getting the last update. She validated my feelings of longing to be with our little boy. The crushing feeling of wanting to control everything. Again I prayed, God, be with him, because that is your plan. Make me humble today. Take control of my life.
Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Friends have said, you are almost there. He is almost home. He’s growing and you are getting positive updates. They are all right, but I am growing weary though from the wait, from the unknown. I need to tighten my shoe laces, I must make it to the last mile marker and I can then see the finish line.
Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.
Bring me hope, every day, Lord. So that I may finish the race with your love and mercy surrounding me.
Romans 5:3-4 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.
Adoption is beyond understanding or articulating to others who have not been a part of it. I hope this post brings you closer to understanding the raw emotional part of this process. It tears me down, exposing my true heart. But Jesus is right there to build me back up in a way that is pleasing and glorifying to the Lord.
_________________________________________________________________________________
If you haven’t seen our fundraising campaign, here are the details:
The adoption is out of state and we need to bring $30,000 with us for this placement. It is due in full; as there are no payment plans in most adoptions. We do not have this amount of money, we have no way of saving to reach this amount, but we've started. So far we have saved and raised over $14,000 towards this goal. We've created a campaign to help us raise the remaining money needed to bring our baby home.
We’d like to see our profile go viral! We have a goal of $20,000 to raise, BEFORE WE LEAVE! Please help us to achieve our goal by sharing with anyone you know. We need this to reach 4000 people if everyone gives just $5! That’s a big number, but I know with all of your help, we can do this.
It is very humbling to ask so many of you for money to help us bring a baby home. We are very grateful for what everyone has already given. We are excited to see God provide through all of you making a small donation.
If you are not able to give at this time, we ask that you keep us in your prayers. We are thankful for these, as we can see the blessings from God from your prayers.
For all of you that are facebook friends or followers on twitter, you may see this blog post or our giving page linked on my facebook or twitter account many, many times in the next month. I know not everyone checks facebook hourly, daily, weekly, monthly…. whatever it may be. Since we need to get the word out, I want this to hit as many homepage feeds as possible, so I’m not trying to harass you into giving; I’m just trying to reach those who may have not seen it posted before.
We’re very excited for this part of our journey, won’t you join us?
Romans 3:23 - for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
I prayed this morning, why am I not content? I’m typically a go with the flow type person. The Holy Spirit quickly removed all thoughts and had a flashing sign in my head that screamed bitterness and selfishness. I’m dragging my family down with me with my quick, short and snippy responses. I just want to curl into a ball, in bed, and not get out until we get “the call”. I feel like I can’t function, I can’t focus on anything. My heart is fully in Texas and my body, here (shivering from the sub-zero temps).
God, please forgive me of my sins. Thank you for your unending love and grace. Cleanse me and make me whole again.
Proverbs 28:13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
Acts 3:19 Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,
God, why is your plan not matching up with my plan? I had this adoption thing down pat: baby born, we fly to get him, we love him and return home, we start being a family of four. My plan sounds pretty perfect, I don’t find any flaws in my plan. It’s easy.
Psalm 27:14 Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
EASY! I know God’s perfect plan isn't always easy. But it is to glorify Him.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
My good friend consoled me when I cried after getting the last update. She validated my feelings of longing to be with our little boy. The crushing feeling of wanting to control everything. Again I prayed, God, be with him, because that is your plan. Make me humble today. Take control of my life.
Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Friends have said, you are almost there. He is almost home. He’s growing and you are getting positive updates. They are all right, but I am growing weary though from the wait, from the unknown. I need to tighten my shoe laces, I must make it to the last mile marker and I can then see the finish line.
Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.
Bring me hope, every day, Lord. So that I may finish the race with your love and mercy surrounding me.
Romans 5:3-4 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.
Adoption is beyond understanding or articulating to others who have not been a part of it. I hope this post brings you closer to understanding the raw emotional part of this process. It tears me down, exposing my true heart. But Jesus is right there to build me back up in a way that is pleasing and glorifying to the Lord.
_________________________________________________________________________________
If you haven’t seen our fundraising campaign, here are the details:
The adoption is out of state and we need to bring $30,000 with us for this placement. It is due in full; as there are no payment plans in most adoptions. We do not have this amount of money, we have no way of saving to reach this amount, but we've started. So far we have saved and raised over $14,000 towards this goal. We've created a campaign to help us raise the remaining money needed to bring our baby home.
GIVE 5 SHARE 5
Please prayerfully consider giving just $5
Here’s the big request: Please share our AdoptTogether link to 5 of your friends or family
Here’s the link: www.adopttogether.org/thewills-give5
Please also consider sharing this blog, our video, or our giving page on your social networks
We’d like to see our profile go viral! We have a goal of $20,000 to raise, BEFORE WE LEAVE! Please help us to achieve our goal by sharing with anyone you know. We need this to reach 4000 people if everyone gives just $5! That’s a big number, but I know with all of your help, we can do this.
DID I MENTION: Your donation is tax-deductible!
It is very humbling to ask so many of you for money to help us bring a baby home. We are very grateful for what everyone has already given. We are excited to see God provide through all of you making a small donation.
If you are not able to give at this time, we ask that you keep us in your prayers. We are thankful for these, as we can see the blessings from God from your prayers.
For all of you that are facebook friends or followers on twitter, you may see this blog post or our giving page linked on my facebook or twitter account many, many times in the next month. I know not everyone checks facebook hourly, daily, weekly, monthly…. whatever it may be. Since we need to get the word out, I want this to hit as many homepage feeds as possible, so I’m not trying to harass you into giving; I’m just trying to reach those who may have not seen it posted before.
We’re very excited for this part of our journey, won’t you join us?
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