Whew! It's been a long 9 months. Baby A is growing and is healthy and happy. We are so happy that he is here with us.
This past Monday, we had to appear before a judge, answer some simple questions regarding our adoption and Baby A and make our adoption legal and final. The judge signed the final decree making Baby A official ours.
I thought I would be more emotional about it, but I made it through without tears. I thought back to Baby A's birthmother. She did such a selfless act of letting Baby A go. I wonder if she is heartbroken daily over this. Does she think of him often? Does she ever want to see him and meet him when he gets older? We may never know the answers to these questions. She is not obligated to write back when I send her a letter each month. I have to send her letters once a month until he is one. Then, twice a year until he is 18. I try to end each letter with an open invitation to starting a healthy relationship with her biological son. I expect we will never hear from her, but we will always invite her to.
The journey to start the adoption process was long, we had to answer question after question, but it was all about us. The answers were easy, black and white answers put on paper to make sure we were fit parents to adopt. Here is the blog that started our adoption journey: Check it Off
The next part...waiting. Boy that was hard. We experienced rejection by potential birthmothers. We trialed though a failed match. Read it here: All in 24 Hours
If I thought the waiting part was hard, I was way wrong. The waiting for Baby A to gain weight and be ready to come home with us was excruciating. The struggle can be read about here: Redemption & Revelation
But now that he is finally, legally ours, I have to think these are not going to be the hardest parts of having Baby A join our family. I need to pray about all the answers that I won't be able to give to him as he starts to question his adoption. The answers are not going to be black and white. The questions are going to be hard and the answers are going to be harder. The adoption part doesn't just disappear after finalization. It's there for the rest of our lives.
The anticipation and excitement of waiting for Baby A are long over, but there is one looming detail of this adoption that we face monthly. Our hefty adoption loan. We did not meet our $20,000 goal before we left to get Baby A. We are closing in on having $5000 raised so far! How awesome is that?! We are thankful for all who have supported us, through prayers, money, and advice. If you feel lead to help us along with our adoption, we would be grateful. We took on this debt after clearly hearing from God that Baby A is for us and that He will provide our every need during this journey. He has met us each month and we are thankful that God keeps His promises. The sooner we can pay off this debt and start saving money again, the sooner we can start the whole process over again to bring home another child to add to our family. I can't wait!
To donate now: Click Here
Out of the Water
"she took him to Pharaoh's daughter who adopted him as her son. She named him Moses, saying, “I drew him out of the water.”" Exodus 2:10
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Friday, February 28, 2014
REDEMPTION & REVELATION
Lord, please forgive me. I am a sinner.
My little boy is growing and thriving in the NICU, without me there to hold him and tell him that I love him. I just want to leave my world right now to be with him. I know not everything is in place for this to happen, but I want to be there NOW. I am so bitter by the fact that each week since he was born we get one-sentence updates and each update is accompanied by “He’ll be here one or two weeks.” I've heard that three times and he is only 14 days old. I hate the fact that I don’t know more, I don’t even know how long he is, if he has hair, if he cries when he is lonely. Is someone there to hold him and comfort him? I am angry that I can’t be a better mother to him. I feel like I have failed him and I haven’t even met him yet.
Romans 3:23 - for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
I prayed this morning, why am I not content? I’m typically a go with the flow type person. The Holy Spirit quickly removed all thoughts and had a flashing sign in my head that screamed bitterness and selfishness. I’m dragging my family down with me with my quick, short and snippy responses. I just want to curl into a ball, in bed, and not get out until we get “the call”. I feel like I can’t function, I can’t focus on anything. My heart is fully in Texas and my body, here (shivering from the sub-zero temps).
God, please forgive me of my sins. Thank you for your unending love and grace. Cleanse me and make me whole again.
Proverbs 28:13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
Acts 3:19 Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,
God, why is your plan not matching up with my plan? I had this adoption thing down pat: baby born, we fly to get him, we love him and return home, we start being a family of four. My plan sounds pretty perfect, I don’t find any flaws in my plan. It’s easy.
Psalm 27:14 Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
EASY! I know God’s perfect plan isn't always easy. But it is to glorify Him.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
My good friend consoled me when I cried after getting the last update. She validated my feelings of longing to be with our little boy. The crushing feeling of wanting to control everything. Again I prayed, God, be with him, because that is your plan. Make me humble today. Take control of my life.
Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Friends have said, you are almost there. He is almost home. He’s growing and you are getting positive updates. They are all right, but I am growing weary though from the wait, from the unknown. I need to tighten my shoe laces, I must make it to the last mile marker and I can then see the finish line.
Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.
Bring me hope, every day, Lord. So that I may finish the race with your love and mercy surrounding me.
Romans 5:3-4 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.
Adoption is beyond understanding or articulating to others who have not been a part of it. I hope this post brings you closer to understanding the raw emotional part of this process. It tears me down, exposing my true heart. But Jesus is right there to build me back up in a way that is pleasing and glorifying to the Lord.
_________________________________________________________________________________
If you haven’t seen our fundraising campaign, here are the details:
The adoption is out of state and we need to bring $30,000 with us for this placement. It is due in full; as there are no payment plans in most adoptions. We do not have this amount of money, we have no way of saving to reach this amount, but we've started. So far we have saved and raised over $14,000 towards this goal. We've created a campaign to help us raise the remaining money needed to bring our baby home.
We’d like to see our profile go viral! We have a goal of $20,000 to raise, BEFORE WE LEAVE! Please help us to achieve our goal by sharing with anyone you know. We need this to reach 4000 people if everyone gives just $5! That’s a big number, but I know with all of your help, we can do this.
It is very humbling to ask so many of you for money to help us bring a baby home. We are very grateful for what everyone has already given. We are excited to see God provide through all of you making a small donation.
If you are not able to give at this time, we ask that you keep us in your prayers. We are thankful for these, as we can see the blessings from God from your prayers.
For all of you that are facebook friends or followers on twitter, you may see this blog post or our giving page linked on my facebook or twitter account many, many times in the next month. I know not everyone checks facebook hourly, daily, weekly, monthly…. whatever it may be. Since we need to get the word out, I want this to hit as many homepage feeds as possible, so I’m not trying to harass you into giving; I’m just trying to reach those who may have not seen it posted before.
We’re very excited for this part of our journey, won’t you join us?
Romans 3:23 - for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God
I prayed this morning, why am I not content? I’m typically a go with the flow type person. The Holy Spirit quickly removed all thoughts and had a flashing sign in my head that screamed bitterness and selfishness. I’m dragging my family down with me with my quick, short and snippy responses. I just want to curl into a ball, in bed, and not get out until we get “the call”. I feel like I can’t function, I can’t focus on anything. My heart is fully in Texas and my body, here (shivering from the sub-zero temps).
God, please forgive me of my sins. Thank you for your unending love and grace. Cleanse me and make me whole again.
Proverbs 28:13 He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
Acts 3:19 Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,
God, why is your plan not matching up with my plan? I had this adoption thing down pat: baby born, we fly to get him, we love him and return home, we start being a family of four. My plan sounds pretty perfect, I don’t find any flaws in my plan. It’s easy.
Psalm 27:14 Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
EASY! I know God’s perfect plan isn't always easy. But it is to glorify Him.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
My good friend consoled me when I cried after getting the last update. She validated my feelings of longing to be with our little boy. The crushing feeling of wanting to control everything. Again I prayed, God, be with him, because that is your plan. Make me humble today. Take control of my life.
Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
Friends have said, you are almost there. He is almost home. He’s growing and you are getting positive updates. They are all right, but I am growing weary though from the wait, from the unknown. I need to tighten my shoe laces, I must make it to the last mile marker and I can then see the finish line.
Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.
Bring me hope, every day, Lord. So that I may finish the race with your love and mercy surrounding me.
Romans 5:3-4 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.
Adoption is beyond understanding or articulating to others who have not been a part of it. I hope this post brings you closer to understanding the raw emotional part of this process. It tears me down, exposing my true heart. But Jesus is right there to build me back up in a way that is pleasing and glorifying to the Lord.
_________________________________________________________________________________
If you haven’t seen our fundraising campaign, here are the details:
The adoption is out of state and we need to bring $30,000 with us for this placement. It is due in full; as there are no payment plans in most adoptions. We do not have this amount of money, we have no way of saving to reach this amount, but we've started. So far we have saved and raised over $14,000 towards this goal. We've created a campaign to help us raise the remaining money needed to bring our baby home.
GIVE 5 SHARE 5
Please prayerfully consider giving just $5
Here’s the big request: Please share our AdoptTogether link to 5 of your friends or family
Here’s the link: www.adopttogether.org/thewills-give5
Please also consider sharing this blog, our video, or our giving page on your social networks
We’d like to see our profile go viral! We have a goal of $20,000 to raise, BEFORE WE LEAVE! Please help us to achieve our goal by sharing with anyone you know. We need this to reach 4000 people if everyone gives just $5! That’s a big number, but I know with all of your help, we can do this.
DID I MENTION: Your donation is tax-deductible!
It is very humbling to ask so many of you for money to help us bring a baby home. We are very grateful for what everyone has already given. We are excited to see God provide through all of you making a small donation.
If you are not able to give at this time, we ask that you keep us in your prayers. We are thankful for these, as we can see the blessings from God from your prayers.
For all of you that are facebook friends or followers on twitter, you may see this blog post or our giving page linked on my facebook or twitter account many, many times in the next month. I know not everyone checks facebook hourly, daily, weekly, monthly…. whatever it may be. Since we need to get the word out, I want this to hit as many homepage feeds as possible, so I’m not trying to harass you into giving; I’m just trying to reach those who may have not seen it posted before.
We’re very excited for this part of our journey, won’t you join us?
Sunday, February 23, 2014
IT'S A BOY
2/17/14
Since our last blog post, ALMOST HOME, we received a call
shortly after (a mere hour or so) I posted our online giving campaign to our
friends and family for fundraising help. Our social worker said that our baby
boy was born on Valentine’s Day. Oh my heart! He’s here! In that second, I felt
my love for him.
I had so many things bombarding my brain, I couldn't think. I didn't
know what to ask, what to say. I just listened as she told me that he was doing
well and that Monday or Tuesday the sending state agent would go to the
hospital to have the mother relinquish her birth rights. I don’t think I will
ever be able to understand the birth mothers thoughts and fears that lead up to
signing on the line. Will she every hear about her baby’s growth, how he’s
doing, maybe a chance to meet him in the future? I prayed for her for a long
time that day. Will she overcome guilt and be filled with joy for the
selflessness she is enduring to have another family provide a loving and
welcoming home for her baby? The birth mom relinquished her rights on Monday
afternoon. Baby boy A is ours! Not technically, but the rights are turned over
to the adoption agency until he is released from the hospital, at which point
we will fly to take placement.
2/22/14
Yesterday was a hard day. Baby A turned a week old and we
weren't there to say I love you, way to go, you've come a long way. We can’t
hold him, love on him, kiss him and tell him that everything is going to be
okay. I prayed and I cried. Lord, help him grow; give him strength so we may
travel sooner than later. I want to hold my baby boy. I want to be the one to
feed him, change him, give him all that he needs. Lord, please whisper in his
ear that mommy and daddy are coming to get you. Give him comfort that he is
loved by you and by us.
The closer we are to travel, the harder it is to sit by and
wait for the phone call, text or email. I am a slave to my phone. It goes
everywhere with me. It dings and I jump! If I didn't own a mobile phone, I think I would have to quit my job and stay home all day waiting for the phone to ring. You’d think I was going crazy, but no, we’re just adopting.We can’t waste a minute after finding out that we need to
travel. We will only get one or two days notice as to when they will release
our baby from the hospital.
Here are a few updates that we received, it’s not much, but
updates make me feel so much closer to him. He’s taking formula from a bottle
rather than a feeding tube. There has been no indication that he is on oxygen,
which I can only assume then he does not need it. Other than that, he is doing
well. That’s all we get. We grasp to the knowledge that he is well.
We continue to pray for his health and his growth so he can
be release. I know with preemies they need to be in the NICU, they need to meet
certain milestones to be considered for release.
MOVING FORWARD
We are amazed by all of our friends and family who have
given to our GIVE 5
SHARE 5 fundraiser. Thank you, thank you, thank you for everyone who has
given and for those who have shared our story with others. It’s humbling to ask
friends and family to give. But you have blown us away and have given well over
our ask of just $5 each. We have raised $3,200 so far! Praise God for his provision.
Please prayerfully consider giving to our adoption fund to
BRING BABY "A" HOME. A lot or a little, it all matters. Our goal is $20,000 to
raise. We've saved $11,000 to reach our $30,000 placement fee.
If you feel moved to give, please visit https://www.adopttogether.org/thewills-give5
There you can read our story and watch our videos. We hope
to continue updating with more videos when we are able.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it
again: Rejoice!
Philippians 4:4
Monday, February 17, 2014
ALMOST HOME
We are counting down the days to our next potential adoption. We have
been matched with a birth momma who is due in March with a baby boy. Maybe our
baby boy.
Psalm
28:7 Now I’m jumping for joy, and shouting and singing my thanks to Him.
We have been praying for the health of this momma and baby, as well as
for her preparation of planning an adoption plan for this little one. We are so
excited, reserved excitement! I am praying for protection of our hearts, that
if this adoption falls through we know that God is sovereign and will get us
through another heartache. We’ve had one failed match this past November and
you can read about it here.
Proverbs
3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own
understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your
paths.
Typically we wouldn’t make an announcement so early in the process because
there are so many unpredictable things that could happen that wouldn’t allow us
to bring baby home. BUT, we need your
help. The adoption is out of state and we need to bring $30,000 with us
for this placement. It is due in full; as there are no payment plans in most
adoptions. We do not have this amount of money, we have no way of saving to reach this
amount, but we’ve started. So far we have saved and raised over $11,000 towards
this goal. We’ve created a campaign to help us raise the remaining money needed
to bring our baby home.
You don’t have to get out of your pajamas, drive your car, or mail a
check. Look to the right of this page, just above our Goal Tracker. Do you see
the Donate
with AdoptTogether button? If you don’t see it, click here. You’ll be taken right to our
fundraising page and you can donate anytime, anywhere.
GIVE 5 SHARE 5
Please prayerfully consider giving just
$5
Here’s the big request: Please share our AdoptTogether
link to 5 of your friends or family
Here’s the link: www.adopttogether.org/thewills-give5
Please also consider sharing this blog, our video, or
our giving page on your social networks
We’d like to see our profile go viral! We have a goal of $20,000 to
raise, BY NEXT MONTH! Please help us to achieve our goal by sharing with anyone
you know. We need this to reach 4000 people if everyone gives just $5! That’s a
big number, but I know with all of your help, we can do this.
DID
I MENTION: Your donation is tax-deductible!
It is very humbling to ask so many of you for money to help us bring a
baby home. We are very grateful for what everyone has already given. We are
excited to see God provide through all of you making a small donation.
If you are not able to give at this time, we ask that you keep us in
your prayers. We are thankful for these, as we can see the blessings from God
from your prayers.
For all of you that are facebook friends or followers on twitter, you
may see this blog post or our giving page linked on my facebook or twitter
account many, many times in the next month. I know not everyone checks facebook
hourly, daily, weekly, monthly…. whatever it may be. Since we need to get the
word out, I want this to hit as many homepage feeds as possible, so I’m not
trying to harass you into giving; I’m just trying to reach those who may have
not seen it posted before.
We’re very excited for this part of our journey, won’t you join us?
Saturday, November 16, 2013
ALL IN 24 HOURS
Ten o’clock, Thursday night, the phone rings. It’s our
social worker, “She picked you guys.” WHAT? “She picked you.” YOU’RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
SHE LOOKED AT OTHER PROFILES TOO, RIGHT? Her response, “Yes, she picked you to
adopt her baby.” Pure shock set it. I didn’t scream, I didn’t cry, I didn’t
have a big smile on my face. Shock. I asked a dozen questions to our social
worker of where we go from here. Texas. After ending my call with the social
worker, I emailed the Texas agency to see when, where, how. By ten-fifteen I’m
at Stefan’s bedside shining my bright phone in his face with the picture of the
baby that will likely soon be ours. He swats my phone and indicates “That’s
really bright”. I softly mention that we got chosen and we are waiting to hear
from the other agency to see how we move forward. He rolls back to sleep. I
rush down stairs to research how to quickly find funding for adoption, what do
we pack to since it’s not a hospital bag, but still bringing home a little one.
Stefan wonders down the stairs, he can’t sleep. God is good.
Back up-let’s start at the beginning:
Thursday, four o’clock, a text message came in from our
social worker. She had a profile showing offer for us. A healthy baby, born
just under a week ago. We had very limited time to pray and think about having
our profile shown since the birth mom said she would sign (giving up parental rights) when she picked a family. Our agency works different than some others.
Some give the potential adoptive parents a week to decide, our agency usually
requests an answer somewhere between 45 minutes and 6 hours. Deep breath, time
to pray, called Stefan. He would be home soon, so we could discuss this
together. Together we thought, we don’t have hardly enough money to bring this
baby home, but we knew we could get a bank loan and good family friends have
offered to loan us some money. Five o’clock, we took the plunge, we texted our
social worker back to have our profile shown. God is good. We trust that He
will provide, always and forever.
We know we cannot do this without Him.
Our day was winding down around 9 that night…. almost.
Gracie was asleep, Stefan was just falling asleep, and I finished praying for this birth
mother and the baby. My good friend sent me, earlier that day, a blog with
great suggestions of how to pray through an adoption. Check it out here: http://redemptivehomemaking. com/2013/09/adoption-praying- while-you-wait.html
With this baby being born, we could be a family of four by
this weekend. For that to happen all the pieces of the puzzle have to fit in
place. The first one, of course, was that the birth mother had to pick our family.
Nine-fifty, our social worker sends a picture of the baby. I see that it’s a
picture and I am hesitant to open it. My phone sits next to me with a blinking
message indication. Should I look at the picture? What if I get attached? It’s
just a picture, right? What if she doesn’t pick us?
Fast forward:
Two o’clock, Friday morning. I finally make it up to bed. It
takes me well over an hour to fall asleep since my brain is thinking a mile a
minute. I try to quiet my head and pray for guidance and a good night sleep.
Six a.m. comes quickly! Gracie is awake and ready to start the day. My mind
quickly moves towards the little baby that is in Texas and the momma that has a
big decision to make. I pray for a smooth day with lots to do and get into
place before we travel. The Texas agent has not contacted me yet, so I don’t
know when we go, that is, if we go. We need confirmation before we travel that
the birth mom has signed. Finally at ten o’clock I get a response from the
Texas agent. She answers my questions, but we still don’t have the big answer, will/when
she sign? Will it be today, tomorrow, not at all? Saying she will sign and
actually signing is a big step. A huge decision, one that I will never be able
to fully understand.
Stefan and I are diligently searching our phones and
computers for flights, or drive time, houses to rent, finding a vehicle large
enough for our growing family. We communicated to a very few close family
members and friends of our current plans. They pray for us and help us make
decisions. We buy three one-way plane tickets. With the unknown of how long it
takes the state to finalize paperwork, we can’t be sure when we will be coming
home with our new child, but we know God is good.
The quiet moments of the day are few. But when they are
there, I pray. Praising God that his plan is perfect. Thanksgiving that he is
growing our hearts for loving this child. Comfort and protection, because with
our gain, it is a loss for the birth momma.
We book our house we will be renting since it might be up to
ten days that we are there. My mother is traveling with us to take care of Gracie
while giving us time to bond with baby and to have several meetings with the
birth mom. Stefan rents a vehicle, we sign a loan document at the bank. I pick
up baby clothes from a friend, cash from another friend, and drop the dogs off
at the dog sitter.
I’m home by seven-thirty. The house is mess. We haven’t packed.
I haven’t eaten anything but a hot dog all day and quickly consume tortilla
soup. I pick up Gracie’s room and get all of her clothes she needs to be gone
for the next week to ten days. Since we are renting a home, we have laundry
access, so traveling with less is okay. Put Gracie to bed, Stefan makes some
coffee and we start. Full speed, we clean up the entire house, pack all the
things we would need for a new baby, pack Gracie’s clothes, toys, and things to
entertain her. Last thing on my list is to pack my clothes and essentials.
Stefan starts putting the luggage, carseats, and stroller in to the car. We are
still waiting for the call, text or email that birth mom signed. If she doesn’t
sign tonight, we will be on the plane early tomorrow morning heading to Texas before the
birth mom would even have a chance to sign. I named it flying by faith. I put
the last items in the suitcase and push it against the wall. I walk into the
bathroom to get my pajamas on and get ready for bed.
Ten o’clock, Friday night. The phone rings. A number I do
not know, but I know I should answer it. It’s the agent from Texas. She has a
warm voice, but her speech has already been prepared. She tells me the mother
has chosen to parent. Still, God is good.
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