ALL IN 24 HOURS

Ten o’clock, Thursday night, the phone rings. It’s our social worker, “She picked you guys.”  WHAT? “She picked you.” YOU’RE KIDDING, RIGHT? SHE LOOKED AT OTHER PROFILES TOO, RIGHT? Her response, “Yes, she picked you to adopt her baby.” Pure shock set it. I didn’t scream, I didn’t cry, I didn’t have a big smile on my face. Shock. I asked a dozen questions to our social worker of where we go from here. Texas. After ending my call with the social worker, I emailed the Texas agency to see when, where, how. By ten-fifteen I’m at Stefan’s bedside shining my bright phone in his face with the picture of the baby that will likely soon be ours. He swats my phone and indicates “That’s really bright”. I softly mention that we got chosen and we are waiting to hear from the other agency to see how we move forward. He rolls back to sleep. I rush down stairs to research how to quickly find funding for adoption, what do we pack to since it’s not a hospital bag, but still bringing home a little one. Stefan wonders down the stairs, he can’t sleep. God is good.

Back up-let’s start at the beginning:

Thursday, four o’clock, a text message came in from our social worker. She had a profile showing offer for us. A healthy baby, born just under a week ago. We had very limited time to pray and think about having our profile shown since the birth mom said she would sign (giving up parental rights) when she picked a family. Our agency works different than some others. Some give the potential adoptive parents a week to decide, our agency usually requests an answer somewhere between 45 minutes and 6 hours. Deep breath, time to pray, called Stefan. He would be home soon, so we could discuss this together. Together we thought, we don’t have hardly enough money to bring this baby home, but we knew we could get a bank loan and good family friends have offered to loan us some money. Five o’clock, we took the plunge, we texted our social worker back to have our profile shown. God is good. We trust that He will provide, always and forever. 

We know we cannot do this without Him. 

Our day was winding down around 9 that night…. almost. Gracie was asleep, Stefan was just falling asleep, and I finished praying for this birth mother and the baby. My good friend sent me, earlier that day, a blog with great suggestions of how to pray through an adoption. Check it out here: http://redemptivehomemaking.com/2013/09/adoption-praying-while-you-wait.html

 

With this baby being born, we could be a family of four by this weekend. For that to happen all the pieces of the puzzle have to fit in place. The first one, of course, was that the birth mother had to pick our family. Nine-fifty, our social worker sends a picture of the baby. I see that it’s a picture and I am hesitant to open it. My phone sits next to me with a blinking message indication. Should I look at the picture? What if I get attached? It’s just a picture, right? What if she doesn’t pick us? 

Fast forward:

Two o’clock, Friday morning. I finally make it up to bed. It takes me well over an hour to fall asleep since my brain is thinking a mile a minute. I try to quiet my head and pray for guidance and a good night sleep. Six a.m. comes quickly! Gracie is awake and ready to start the day. My mind quickly moves towards the little baby that is in Texas and the momma that has a big decision to make. I pray for a smooth day with lots to do and get into place before we travel. The Texas agent has not contacted me yet, so I don’t know when we go, that is, if we go. We need confirmation before we travel that the birth mom has signed. Finally at ten o’clock I get a response from the Texas agent. She answers my questions, but we still don’t have the big answer, will/when she sign? Will it be today, tomorrow, not at all? Saying she will sign and actually signing is a big step. A huge decision, one that I will never be able to fully understand. 

Stefan and I are diligently searching our phones and computers for flights, or drive time, houses to rent, finding a vehicle large enough for our growing family. We communicated to a very few close family members and friends of our current plans. They pray for us and help us make decisions. We buy three one-way plane tickets. With the unknown of how long it takes the state to finalize paperwork, we can’t be sure when we will be coming home with our new child, but we know God is good.

The quiet moments of the day are few. But when they are there, I pray. Praising God that his plan is perfect. Thanksgiving that he is growing our hearts for loving this child. Comfort and protection, because with our gain, it is a loss for the birth momma. 

We book our house we will be renting since it might be up to ten days that we are there. My mother is traveling with us to take care of Gracie while giving us time to bond with baby and to have several meetings with the birth mom. Stefan rents a vehicle, we sign a loan document at the bank. I pick up baby clothes from a friend, cash from another friend, and drop the dogs off at the dog sitter. 

I’m home by seven-thirty. The house is mess. We haven’t packed. I haven’t eaten anything but a hot dog all day and quickly consume tortilla soup. I pick up Gracie’s room and get all of her clothes she needs to be gone for the next week to ten days. Since we are renting a home, we have laundry access, so traveling with less is okay. Put Gracie to bed, Stefan makes some coffee and we start. Full speed, we clean up the entire house, pack all the things we would need for a new baby, pack Gracie’s clothes, toys, and things to entertain her. Last thing on my list is to pack my clothes and essentials. Stefan starts putting the luggage, carseats, and stroller in to the car. We are still waiting for the call, text or email that birth mom signed. If she doesn’t sign tonight, we will be on the plane early tomorrow morning heading to Texas before the birth mom would even have a chance to sign. I named it flying by faith. I put the last items in the suitcase and push it against the wall. I walk into the bathroom to get my pajamas on and get ready for bed. 

Ten o’clock, Friday night. The phone rings. A number I do not know, but I know I should answer it. It’s the agent from Texas. She has a warm voice, but her speech has already been prepared. She tells me the mother has chosen to parent. Still, God is good.

Third and Done....Right?

We had our third, and last home study done back in July. We finished all of our education requirements, submitted all the required documents, and our social worker did a walk-through of our home. I asked prior to our last home study, “What do you look for when walking through a house?” Anita, our social worker replied, “Oh, to make sure you have running water, electricity and there are not any non-dog cages in your home.” WHAT?! Cages? Running water? Electricity? You’re kidding right? Yes, she said she has walked in to homes with no utilities. I know it can be done, life without power or running water, but I am so very thankful for these amenities. The cages, that's a whole different story.

The home study questions went great. More questions about our life. Trying to explain our personalities, our highs and lows of life, parenting styles, EVERYTHING about us. We had to fit it in to three meetings and then our social worker gives the thumbs up or thumbs down to send it to the state to be finalized. Seeing that our home study was in July and it is now October, our financial standings are a little different. Praise God for His provision. We’ve paid off a car, and made a significant dent in the other car loan. We are credit card debt free and saving more than ever now. None of this would have been possible if it wasn’t an answer to our prayers. 

Before our home study can be signed off on and handed over to us, we must pay the remaining home study fee. By the look of our adoption savings account, this wasn’t going to be possible. That means more fundraising.

We have been praying for our baby. Hannah has been praying for a brother AND a sister. Our friends and family....THANK YOU for your prayers. 

COMING UP…. in my next post, you will find speechlessness, humbled, and thankful.

Fun with Fundraising

We had our first fundraiser. We had a humongous garage sale. Over 20 families donated to our sale to make it a huge success. We raised over half of our homestudy costs. Praise the Lord for his provision. He brought the donors, he brought the buyers. We advertised it as an adoption fundraiser online and the sign at the end of the driveway. This brought so many people out to talk to us about their adoption, ask us questions about our adoption, and people just pulled up to our driveway and donated money without even browsing the sale. Moved by everyone's generosity made all the hard work worth while.

Not only did the donors give me a ton of items to sell, I had so many people offer to help me set up and be at the sale to help. I could not have done it without you all. Thank you to everyone, those who were here ten minutes dropping of donations, and those who were here throughout my sale. My mother flew from out of state to help me over the weekend and it was a wonderful time to spend with her. I am so grateful.

Two Down, One to Go

We finished our second home study. This time it was about how me and Stefan met, our personalities, and what attracted us to each other. This home study also covered our parenting of Gracie.

When I first saw Stefan in school, years ago, I knew that someday, just someday, I would at least date him. At that time in my life I didn't even consider marrying anyone. I even went as far as coming home from the first day of classes and told all my roommates about this handsome, tall guy who I would someday date. Six months later we were dating. Shortly after that we fell in love with each other. It was a "just felt right" feeling we both had for each other.

Marriage came two years later in my parents beautiful back yard. Most of Stefan's family traveled a very long distance to attend. My father got around in a motorized scooter, and all of Stefan's family were new to my father's dramatic humor. My dad hit a small divot in the back yard and his scooter slowly fell and he toppled over. All of Stefan's family went running to help as they screamed in shock thinking something for sure would be broken. Now my family, we all just stopped, stared and laughed. Because we all loved him, we eventually made it to his side and set him upright back in his scooter. Happy to get a rise out of everyone, he trolled away and we all went back to work cleaning up, leaving our guests speechless.

A few years and many moves later we bought a home and settled for a couple of years. Each time there was baby on either of our brains, we bought a dog. We are now blessed with two wonderful pups.

As we grew together, we grew to love Christ together. We tried and still try so hard to keep Him in the center of our relationship. It's not always the case, but we always return to Him. His graces amaze me. His unending love comforts each of my days. I know that Stefan's strong faith and his leadership in our home will be the icing on the cake as we raise our family together.

Stefan is a great dad, he's on the floor playing castles and princesses with Gracie. She loves riding on his back and he chases us around the room. We're on the same page, as far as parenting goes. Sometimes there is a good cop/bad cop in parenting and we try really hard to stay away from that. We don't want her to try to play a game of "but mom said yes" and completely undermine our spouse.

God really shines when it comes to encouragement and uplifting support. When one of us is down, the other will come in and provide loving encouragement and visa-verse. We are rarely, if ever, sick at the same time, so we are able to take care of each other and our household.

On to checking more off the list.....

Just You and Me Kid

As I held my two-month old niece tonight, Stefan walked up to me and questioned, “You want a baby?” He knew the answer to that already. Yah, of course I want a baby. I shrugged his question off though as if, yah, whenever. I love holding babies; they don’t have to be mine to enjoy them. They’re so snuggly, kind of boring and rather quiet when I am holding them. When they start to scream, I am really happy to just hand them back to their mommies.

This little peanut in my arms almost asleep got me thinking. I’m going to soon be holding “my” baby and when it screams, its momma is going to be me. But I didn’t carry this child for 40 weeks, I didn’t labor with this child, I don’t have the biological bond with this newborn. Am I going to be able to soothe them in a way a birthmother can? I can’t just give this new baby back to its biological mother. How am I going to bond with this new baby that I didn’t physically bring into this world? It feels so foreign to me right now. There’s no giving them back to their birthmother. The only comfort I have is knowing that God created this little child for us. It was already written in the playbooks. It’s a difficult concept to grasp. God knows what is going to happen in our lives even if that means creating a child for us in another mother’s womb. Crazy!

We asked our congregation to pray for us today. What a blessing our church family is. I can trust in them with our prayer and that it will be heard over and over by God from many people. About 10% of the families in our church have adopted. They will be great support, wonderful resources, and loving guidance as we enter this new time in our lives.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding; in all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

Check it Off

One home study down, two to go. We met with our social worker today. What a lovely lady she was. She’d fit perfect into our family, she got all of our jokes and had a couple herself that made us laugh.

This first home study was about Stefan’s and my childhood, our families and our relationships with our parents. She asked who wanted to go first. I immediately pointed to Stefan. I am a contemplator. She was going to ask me all the same questions that Stefan would be answering. That way I had time to think before speaking without having diarrhea of the mouth. A couple of the questions really made me think, not just about what today was like but what my whole life had been before I met Stefan.

Digging deep, I got to reminisce about how my dad took me and my sister, every summer, to a water park. That was a special treat and something I looked forward to every summer. We ate at Henny Penny for breakfast before venturing into the rushing water craziness. As for my mom, we would go hiking, have picnics, and feed the geese in the neighboring town. Being young, everything felt like an adventure. I sure did have fun growing up. I had one good friend growing up, but other than that, it was my sister. We did so much together and a favorite memory was blazing new trails each spring with our golf cart (the alternative to having a horse I guess). Getting stuck in the thawing ground and then being covered in mud from trying push the golf cart to dry land. 

The questions then turned to our parents’ parenting style, our relationship with them currently and my favorite question; describe your father and your mother in two to three words. There are way more than two to three words that describe my parents. My father, oh goodness, if you ever had the chance to meet him you would know that he was witty, very quick at comebacks that made you hold your side from splitting open from the unending laughter. My mother, her selflessness makes her a wonderful mom and wife. Never once did she say no to a request because it wasn’t in her best interest. She put me and my sister first, and she put my dad ahead of us. She would give her clothes off her back to someone that is in need. 

The very last question was, “have I ever dealt with the loss of someone close to me.” (You might want to get the tissues now, I did.) Here’s my answer. My dad suffered many years with MS. He’s been gone for seven years. At first, his illness didn’t affect him, day to day was normal. As the years past we became accustomed to pushing a wheelchair, cutting up food, and changing his clothes. Most of this my mother endured alone since me and my sister had gone to college shortly after his diagnosis. I saw these as little steps, like a growing child, everything is always changing, but it’s so small that it feels like it’s just a part of life. I knew there wasn’t a cure for him and I knew that someday he would be gone. I had sleepless nights, crying myself to sleep sometimes. Most nights I stayed up so late until I was extremely sleepy and didn’t have to lay in quietness thinking about him. I knew that the end was coming, and I knew that his life was deteriorating. It was painful for him, I’m sure. He was a hard worker, rarely asked for help. Here he was bedridden towards the end; everything had to be done for him. I’d sob in bed, praying “God, please take away my dad’s pain, just take him, please just take him,” night after night. How could a daughter beg for their parent to leave this earth? I knew this world had nothing left to offer him. My grieving took place long before my dad passed away. When he finally left this earth I was so relieved. After that, I slept, no crying, no sleeplessness, no more begging to God. During his whole illness I learned how to pray, pray hard, and pray with all my heart. My dad will never know how grateful I am to him, whose body gave up on him, so that I would have a chance to grow with my faith with the Lord.

For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ,  who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.  1 Thessalonians 5:9-11

Cheers to the Beginning

We’re adopting! Two words that I thought I would say about 6 – 8 years from now. I knew I wanted to adopt children when I was young. I knew I wanted to care and love for children that were not biologically mine, but after having 2-4 of my own biological children. Wow, one biological child later, we are plunging in to adoption.  

My husband, Stefan, and I are on the same page at the same time with adoption. This doesn’t always happen when the adoption topic is brought up. We’d rather put our money towards adoption than fertility treatments. After 22 months of trying to naturally conceive we are moving on. Don’t get me wrong, we prayed, asked others to pray, prayed some more, our two and a half year old daughter prayed for a sister or brother, we prayed with our daughter, and then prayed some more. Feeling extremely blessed to have our daughter is overwhelming, considering the results of all the testing I did to find out why there were difficulties this time around. (I’ll be nicknaming our daughter Gracie for her protection, so if you know me and you want to leave a comment, please do not use her real name. Thank you for respecting that.)

We considered adoption long before I thought there was an issue with fertility. Growing our family has been on my heart since Gracie was born. Our friends around us were families of three and so we were on track. Then some had two, then three. I felt left behind, defeated, confused, and saddened that our family wasn’t growing like the others. I sought God for an explanation “Why?”, I heard nothing. We kept trying. I again called on God, “Is adding to our family not part of your plan?” No answer. We kept trying. “God, can you please take away the pain and heartache each month that passes and my womb is empty?” God finally answered. “I will guard your heart.” That was good enough for me because it was good enough for God. Months passed, my heart softened, joy overcame my sadness. Our journey begins……

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27