Check it Off

One home study down, two to go. We met with our social worker today. What a lovely lady she was. She’d fit perfect into our family, she got all of our jokes and had a couple herself that made us laugh.

This first home study was about Stefan’s and my childhood, our families and our relationships with our parents. She asked who wanted to go first. I immediately pointed to Stefan. I am a contemplator. She was going to ask me all the same questions that Stefan would be answering. That way I had time to think before speaking without having diarrhea of the mouth. A couple of the questions really made me think, not just about what today was like but what my whole life had been before I met Stefan.

Digging deep, I got to reminisce about how my dad took me and my sister, every summer, to a water park. That was a special treat and something I looked forward to every summer. We ate at Henny Penny for breakfast before venturing into the rushing water craziness. As for my mom, we would go hiking, have picnics, and feed the geese in the neighboring town. Being young, everything felt like an adventure. I sure did have fun growing up. I had one good friend growing up, but other than that, it was my sister. We did so much together and a favorite memory was blazing new trails each spring with our golf cart (the alternative to having a horse I guess). Getting stuck in the thawing ground and then being covered in mud from trying push the golf cart to dry land. 

The questions then turned to our parents’ parenting style, our relationship with them currently and my favorite question; describe your father and your mother in two to three words. There are way more than two to three words that describe my parents. My father, oh goodness, if you ever had the chance to meet him you would know that he was witty, very quick at comebacks that made you hold your side from splitting open from the unending laughter. My mother, her selflessness makes her a wonderful mom and wife. Never once did she say no to a request because it wasn’t in her best interest. She put me and my sister first, and she put my dad ahead of us. She would give her clothes off her back to someone that is in need. 

The very last question was, “have I ever dealt with the loss of someone close to me.” (You might want to get the tissues now, I did.) Here’s my answer. My dad suffered many years with MS. He’s been gone for seven years. At first, his illness didn’t affect him, day to day was normal. As the years past we became accustomed to pushing a wheelchair, cutting up food, and changing his clothes. Most of this my mother endured alone since me and my sister had gone to college shortly after his diagnosis. I saw these as little steps, like a growing child, everything is always changing, but it’s so small that it feels like it’s just a part of life. I knew there wasn’t a cure for him and I knew that someday he would be gone. I had sleepless nights, crying myself to sleep sometimes. Most nights I stayed up so late until I was extremely sleepy and didn’t have to lay in quietness thinking about him. I knew that the end was coming, and I knew that his life was deteriorating. It was painful for him, I’m sure. He was a hard worker, rarely asked for help. Here he was bedridden towards the end; everything had to be done for him. I’d sob in bed, praying “God, please take away my dad’s pain, just take him, please just take him,” night after night. How could a daughter beg for their parent to leave this earth? I knew this world had nothing left to offer him. My grieving took place long before my dad passed away. When he finally left this earth I was so relieved. After that, I slept, no crying, no sleeplessness, no more begging to God. During his whole illness I learned how to pray, pray hard, and pray with all my heart. My dad will never know how grateful I am to him, whose body gave up on him, so that I would have a chance to grow with my faith with the Lord.

For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ,  who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.  1 Thessalonians 5:9-11